"I know I need my instrument but does my instrument need to be mic'd?"

It's official. I've been outed.

My friends and family now know the dirty little secret I've been keeping tucked in the darkness of my inner life for all of these years....

and I feel...afraid.

Yes folks, I like to write. I need to write. If the words don't get to the page they gradually suffocate me.

So with the start of this blog I've begun to breathe again, after many years. But there is something different this time. This time other people can...well, they can ...see...it...

Which brings me to these words from a song by Ani DiFranco:

"thinking maybe I'm just standing here

because I want to be liked

yes, I know I need my instrument

but does my instrument need to be mic'd?"

I know I need to write, but does it need to be on display for all to see?

I have struggled with this one a lot (understatement) and it really comes down to a feeling I can't quite put my finger on of ....completion? It's like the words are conceived in my brain and take form through my fingers and they need somewhere to go; they need to be born into the world.

Like exposing a wound to the air so that it can heal.

This brings me to my fear around hearing the opinions of others about my exposed wounds/newborn babies. What if the external manifestation of this is enough to change it for me on an internal level? What if I begin to write for all the wrong reasons?

This little doozy was running all over my mind during my yoga practice today. But I found, as I let the fear come through me and settle in pieces all around my mat, that when I came back to the breath, there I was. The same Me. The eternal Me. The Me that is "independent of the good opinion of others" (Wayne Dyer).

That Me doesn't change because of anything anyone says.

I might get scared, but that doesn't mean I stop. It means I recognize that fear as thoughts in my head and feelings in my body and I return as soon as I can to my inner home. If I write from my inner home I will maintain my clarity of purpose. Things will occur for the right reasons, and fulfillment, peace and joy will be in the realm of the soul as it sings its music.

Wayne Dyer also says, "don't die with your music still inside of you." So here I am, flailing and caterwauling, a baby magpie learning its tune.

Love, 
R